Respect to Tim Burton. What happens if you say ‘Beetlejuice’ three times. Wayne found out and it’s not pretty.
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Okay, let's say you've met a girl, pressed the right buttons and turned the right knobs and ended up spending a hot night together in bed. Well, let's also say that the next morning you realize that she's not just a beer-google pull but a girl you'd want to see again. She's a princess. Hey, it won't be the first one night stand that blossomed into a second or third act. So here's how to make her want to stick around and see you as more than just one-night stud material. Make a compost for breakfast. This will impress her with your culinary skills.
Ingredients
Fruit: bananas, apples, strawberries, pears are great.
Red wine. I use Trader Joe's $1.99 Charles Shaw
Sugar or Agave nectar
Oatmeal or toast
Directions
1. In a sauce pan pour the wine. I'm not going to tell you how much. Guys don't messure. We eyeball. Just get enough in there to marinade the fruit. Turn the fire up under there to medium low.
2. Cut up the fruit into small pieces. The softer fruits such as strawberries should be left in larger pieces. You can cut them in half. The harder fruits such as apples should be cut into much smaller pieces; about the size of Risk army pieces. This principle applies to cooking in general.
3. Put fruit into sauce pan. Hard fruit first (again a universal cooking principle) and softer fruit a few minutes after.
4. Add sugar and salt. If you want to make it super yummy you can put in butter. That's the French way. But it adds calories.
5. Marinade for ten minutes.
6. Pour over oatmeal or toast.
7. Enjoy. I've been cooking this for years and it never disappoints.
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Here's the most basic fashion tip I know. When, during my work at Charisma Arts, I want to make a guy more attractive to women, this is the first thing, and sometimes the only thing I need to change about his wardrobe. It's simple. I match t
he color of his belt and his shoes.
In this photo I'm wearing a white belt matched to the white soles of my shoes. That combination never fails to get chicks checking out my fashion. The brand of shoes is Cool People BTW. Erika has bought me two pairs from Zappos since January. I love them so much I wear them every day down to nothing.
So, if you wear black shoes match them with a black belt, red with red and so on. Pretty simple but something that most guys seem to overlook.
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Ladies out there take a hint. Be good to your man. Seriously we should all be creating more nice surprises for the ones we love. BTW, Erika and I made this video on a point and shoot. Please let me know what you think.
-Wayne
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Here's a video I shot on my iphone a few weeks ago in Hawaii while lying in bed. Despite her trying to bite my toes, Erika is not a cannibal.
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The strip club business is limping along, wounded by competition from free internet porn and zealous zoning boards. The clubs themselves feel dated – relics from the 90s.
Nevertheless, Erika and I like to visit strip clubs. They're fun if you lower your expectations. Budget strippers abound. We recently took Johnny Savior and his girlfriend out to the clubs. Johnny is such a germaphobe he couldn't put a tip in the dancer's G-string. His girlfriend had to do it for him.
I find beauty in the outdated signage and physical details of these places – in a past era tantalizing, I suppose, but now sort of museum pieces.
The "Body Shop' is one of my favorite signs. It's big and chunky. I wonder if '18 & OVER' refers to the clientele or the dancers.
I guess the logic is that the word 'GIRLS', all in uppercase, implies young, attractive women inside so it's good to post it three times over your door. I like the chipped paint on the railings in this picture.
I like the details in the attachments of the neon to the awning here. These types of facades are expensive – there was a lot of money in this business back in the day.
What the hell is under the 'Seventh Veil' and why is she wearing seven freaking veils anyway? I guess we're supposed to go inside to solve this mystery. Signs for strip clubs seem to use a lot of arrows. I suppose they create a feeling of action.
A red velvet curtain and rope imply a touch of class that's somewhat negated by the smoking bin next to the doorway. I like the details on the door. This is a place I'd expect Paul Rudd to be working the door.
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My friend Jeremy said to me a couple months ago, "When you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start now." I agree. Erika is the love of my life and I would be a fool not to want to spend the rest of it with her. We got married on the North Shore of Oahu on June 1st. We're looking forward to the future together.
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I love Hawaii. It's been a few years since I've set foot on these islands and I miss it. I find the people here a nice balance between laid-back and direct and the visitors are up for adventure.
Walking along Waikiki Beach Erika and I saw a mix of cute girls, surfers and couples in varying states of relationship decay. You can always tell the ones who've been together a long time. They walk apart and they've gotten 'puffy'. I pray that doesn't happen to us one day.
Saw a guy trying to pick up a couple of Asian girls. Language was an issue. I was trying to use mental telepathy to send him ideas. 'Use pantomine,' I thought at him.
In this picture Erika looks at me admiringly. Trust me, it's usually the other way around. I'm dating above my station and she's slumming it.
The guy in the background is about to be hit in the head by a thrown football because he's staring at Erika. I refused to do mouth to mouth. So he died.
'Erika with 26 long boards' is NOT the name of a porno flick. 
I love the colors in this picture.
Um, okay, this picture makes me want to go to the gym. Damn, with the abs girl! (That's me being black)
There seemed to be lots of Japanese tourist at Pearl Harbor. I wondered if they were gloating. I mean, really, it was a horrible thing that so many people died, but you have to admire the Japanese military for planning and executing such a ballsy raid. But the Japanese I saw seemed to be expressing remorse. I wanted to talk to them and push it. "Really, really, down deep is there just at least a touch of pride?"
Erika could have been a soldier. She routinely kicks my ass.
I like the contrast here.
The memorial reminded me of what sacrifices people of that generation made. I wonder if people these days in the 'me' world could do the same on such a large scale. No joke here other than the fact that this picture makes me look as if I'm wearing a skirt and my legs are underdeveloped.
I classify the Dole Pineapple farm as a tourist trap but hey, we bring the fun. Here's Erika on the Pineapple Express train. It chugs out to the field and back. In that time we learned that pineapples don't rippen after being picked and Mr. Dole was a rich mother f*cker. Oh, and Erika and I annoyed the other riders I think with our pineapple humor. Score one for the bandits.
Don't laugh. This is my new outfit.
Back at Turtle Bay, guess what I'm contemplating and you'll win a special prize. Choices are: a. The nature of man's relationships to the Universe. b. Threesome game. c. Chocolate cookies d. Where I left my Iphone charger
In Hawaii it's cool to eat at roadside stands. I was eating this corn but Erika took it away from me, ate it and then said I better not complain or she'll stick the cob up my …
Yay, we are getting hitched in Hawaii! BTW I think you can tell my ape ancestory is not so far removed.
Old coral. Young legs.
Awww. Such a touching, real-life moment. Erika is immered in the sand and the sound of waves and the task of finding skipping rocks. But we'd rather be on Facebook.
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Want to know if love is true? Ask your lover this: "If I were magically turned into a rock, a heavy rock of say 10 killograms wieght, a rock that could hear and see but could not talk or move or do anything, would you carry me around? Would you stroke me and talk to me? Would you take me on trips and make sure I had a nice view? Or would you eventually grow tired of lugging me around and put me in a box or on a shelf somewhere and move on to someone more happening?
Wayne
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